Readers write in with spreadsheet horror stories. The Llama answers in seven words or fewer.

Saltillo, Coah. — I have 41 tabs and one of them is called ‘FINAL_v7_USE_THIS’. There is also a ‘FINAL_v8’. Which one is final?

THE LLAMA:Neither. Ask Gary.

Hamilton, Ont. — Our ERP go-live has been ‘next quarter’ for eleven quarters. Is this normal?

THE LLAMA:It is common. It is not normal.

Red Deer, Alta. — My controller is the only person who knows where the file is. She is retiring in March.

THE LLAMA:Back her up. Then the file.

Bakersfield, Calif. — The consultant says we need a Phase Two before we can define Phase One. Thoughts?

THE LLAMA:There is no Phase Two.

Thunder Bay, Ont. — Every morning the workbook asks whether I want to save changes. I have never made changes.

THE LLAMA:It knows.