Logistics Firm Hires Fourth Dispatcher to Manage Spreadsheet That Tracks the Other Three

A regional freight company confirmed Tuesday that its newest dispatcher will be responsible for maintaining the spreadsheet that tracks what the other three dispatchers are doing, a role management described as “critical.”

The workbook, which reportedly contains 41 tabs and one macro nobody will touch, is opened by all four employees simultaneously each morning, at which point it asks whether they want to save changes.

“We looked at replacing it,” said the operations manager, who asked not to be named because she was, at the time, inside the spreadsheet. “The vendor quoted eighteen months. Six of those were discovery.”

The Pickle Llama, who was observed in the dispatch office before it opened, declined to comment on the hire. Asked whether the spreadsheet could be replaced, he said, “Yes.” He then left.

A company spokesperson later confirmed that the spreadsheet had, in fact, been replaced, and that nobody saw it happen.